{"id":81,"date":"2021-10-25T19:07:49","date_gmt":"2021-10-25T19:07:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/chapter\/chapter-2\/"},"modified":"2021-11-12T17:29:51","modified_gmt":"2021-11-12T17:29:51","slug":"at-the-intersection-of-challenge-and-choice","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/chapter\/at-the-intersection-of-challenge-and-choice\/","title":{"raw":"At the Intersection of Challenge and Choice: The Threat of Online Sexual Activity to Authentic Celibacy Formation","rendered":"At the Intersection of Challenge and Choice: The Threat of Online Sexual Activity to Authentic Celibacy Formation"},"content":{"raw":"
\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nIntroduction<\/strong>\r\n\r\nAt the crossroads where our Church and our technological society converge, discerning adults stand poised at an intersection of challenge and choice. It is a time in our American society of seemingly unlimited access to information, a time when the expectation of instant gratification is prevalent, and the desire for heightened stimulation is strong. It is a time in our Church when the expectation of authenticity, integrity, transparency and fidelity cannot be overstated.\r\n\r\nReconciling the lures of a permissive culture with the call to be open to God\u2019s work of transformation demands a disciplined response to the challenges that free the mature person to make respectful and prudent choices. For discerning adults, it is a time of challenge and choice.\r\n\r\nSociety\u2019s Influence<\/strong>\r\n\r\nMen discerning priesthood and actively involved in seminary formation today are not immune to the messages and the enticements of the society and culture from which they have emerged into adulthood. They are immersed in a world where boundless information is available via the World Wide Web, a reality that facilitates with ease endless attempts toward satisfaction of curiosity, desire and perceived need.\r\n\r\nAl Cooper and Eric Griffin-Shelley describe an entangled connection between the Internet and sexuality, suggesting that each \u201cfuels and ultimately contributes to the transformation of the other.\u201d[footnote]Al Cooper and Eric Griffin-Shelley, The Internet: The Next Sexual Revolution, <\/em>introduction to Sex and the Internet: A Guidebook for Clinicians. <\/em>New York: Routeledge. 2002. 4.[\/footnote] Michael Leahy warns that the latest tools of technology are creating a \u201cnew sexual revolution with limitless accessibility.\u201d He describes a \u201cworld that is increasingly pornographic\u201d with the increased availability of wireless Internet access via cell phones, iPods, etc.[footnote]Michael Lehey. Porn Nation: Conquering America\u2019s Addiction. <\/em>Chicago: Northfield Press. 2008.106.[\/footnote]\r\n\r\nWith the rapid acceleration of technological means for producing and engaging in sexual activity, the gathering and reporting of precise and current data is highly challenging. Nevertheless, statistics provide an alarming glimpse into the harsh reality of online sexual activity. As reported by Cooper and Griffin-Shelley, an estimated 20% of Internet users in 2002 were engaging in online sexual activity.[footnote]Cooper and Griffin-Shelley. The Internet. <\/em>4.[\/footnote] Just three years later in 2005, ComScore Media Metrix reported that 40% of Internet users had visited adult sites.\r\n\r\n\u201cAccording to ComScore Media Metrix, there were 63.4 million unique visitors to adult websites in December of 2005, viewing over 15 billion pages of adult content.\u201d[footnote]Mark Kastleman. The Drug of the New Millennium: The Brain Science Behind Internet Pornography Use. <\/em>Power Thinking Publishing. 2007. 3.[\/footnote] Every second, an estimated $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography; every second, an estimated 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography.[footnote]The Child Protection Guide, 2009 http:\/\/www.childprotectionguide.org\/archives\/vol2_iss9.php.[\/footnote] Mark Kastleman cites reports at www.max.com and www.afafilter.com\/vitalfacts.asp of more than 4.2 million separate and distinct pornography websites identified on the Internet with 2,500 new sites appearing online each week.[footnote]Kastleman, The Drug of the New Millennium. <\/em>4.[\/footnote]\r\n\r\nClinicians and researchers testifying before a U.S. Senate committee in 2004 described pornography as the new crack cocaine (Wired.com). Kastleman highlights the work of Dr. Judith Reisman, Douglas Reed, and other noted neuroscientists and neuropsychologists whose research findings lead them to describe pornography and its effects as \u201ca drug, a chemical dependency, a form of substance abuse\u2026an endogenously processed poly drug providing intense, although misleading, sensory rewards.\u201d[footnote]Ibid. 61-62.[\/footnote]\r\n\r\nDouglas Reed likens the \u201carousal dependence\u201d experienced through persistent use of pornography to the \u201cbiochemical alterations associated with excessive amphetamine use.\u201d The \u201csatiation effects\u201d acquired through hours of viewing Internet pornography are compared to the \u201csatiation effects of opiate use.\u201d[footnote]Ibid. 62.[\/footnote] The risks are glaringly apparent: online sexual activity leads to online sexual problems that can lead to online sexual compulsivity and addiction.\r\n\r\nThe far-reaching implications of the Internet with regard to sexuality and psychosexual development will continue to impact our society and our Church. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops exhorts priesthood candidates to \u201cappropriate a cultural-critical attitude that discerns the positive and negative potentials of mass communication, various forms of entertainment, and technology, such as the Internet.\u201d[footnote]Program of Priestly Formation. <\/em>5th Edition. Washington D. C.: United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. 2006. 79.[\/footnote] Intentional, disciplined and honest efforts in overcoming patterns of behavior, behaviors that in some instances have become addictive, will demand honest appraisal, unwavering challenge and support, and ongoing dialogue.\r\n\r\nAccess, Affordability, Anonymity<\/strong>\r\n\r\nWhat is it that fuels the acceleration and intensity of online sexual activity? According to Cooper, it is a threefold phenomenon he describes as the \u201cTriple-A-Engine,\u201d the central components of which are \u201caccess,<\/em> affordability, and anonymity.\u201d[footnote]Cooper. Sex and the Internet. <\/em>5-6. (first reference?)[\/footnote] Ease of access is undeniable. Equally undeniable, yet perhaps not readily recognized or acknowledged, is all that is neglected, un-accessed in one\u2019s life, as a consequence of ease of access to online activities and interactions. Solitude, creative leisure, friendship, ministry, prayer are all too often sacrificed for the ease of online pleasure.\r\n\r\nThe affordability of online sexual activity is significantly more costly than can be assessed in dollars and cents. The determination, effort, motivation and will required to free oneself from the grip of affordable online sexual activity are costly. The toll on self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem is a price far too great to wager. Unfortunately, the expense of what, at first glance, appears affordable is significantly underestimated. Equally unfortunate is the enticement of anonymity that provides a false sense of security and confidence in acts of self-disclosure and sexual expression. The intimacy of genuine encounter is compromised for perceived online anonymity.\r\n\r\nHuman Formation<\/strong>\r\n\r\nIn stark contrast to the immediate gratification and anonymity of online sexual activity, the work of human formation is a slow, steady, deliberate and disciplined process realized in an intimately personal encounter with God, one\u2019s self and others. \u201cThe human formation of candidates for the priesthood\u2026fosters the growth of a man who can be described as a free person, a man of communion, a person of affective maturity, and a man who respects, cares for, and has vigilance over his body.\u201d[footnote]Program of Priestly Formation. <\/em>76.[\/footnote]\r\n\r\n\u201cA free person is a person who is free to be who he is in God\u2019s design.\u201d[footnote]Ibid.[\/footnote] In this freedom, there exists the desire and the willingness to be known. In this freedom, there exists the vulnerability necessary for intimacy in relationship. Freedom, however, is not an identifying characteristic of the person who is trapped in the grip of the addictive power of online sexual activity. Neither is it a place experienced as reflective of God\u2019s design. Rather, it becomes a world of shame, fear, guilt and loneliness.\r\n\r\n\u201cA man of communion is a person who has real and deep relational capacities\u2026capable of making a gift of himself and of receiving the gift of others.\u201d This capacity \u201crequires the full possession of oneself.\u201d[footnote]Ibid.[\/footnote] Sadly, for the person caught up in the world of online sexual activity, the freedom of self-possession is sacrificed. The world of online sexual activity does not authentically fit into the life of one pursuing a celibate commitment.\r\n\r\nHence, that reality is sooner or later compartmentalized, relegated to a subconscious compartment, as if somehow neatly tucked away. But not without a terrible cost! The more compartmentalized one is, the more disintegrated. The cost becomes the compromise of integrity. The \u201cinner joy and inner peace\u201d that mark the man of communion are likewise compromised.[footnote]Ibid.[\/footnote]\r\n\r\nA person of affective maturity strives for balance in the integration of feelings, reason and values, living a life \u201cfreely enriched by feelings, not driven by them.\u201d[footnote]Ibid.[\/footnote] Affective maturity is expressed in warmth and caring, empathy and compassion. Affective maturity opens one to \u201ca passionate life of pastoral love and relating\u201d that channels sexual energy in generative ways.[footnote]Stephen J. Rosetti. The Joy of Priesthood. <\/em>Notre Dame: Ave Maria Press. 2005. 90.[\/footnote]\r\n\r\nDevelopment toward affective maturity becomes stunted at the place where balance and integration break down, where self-absorption takes hold. The anonymity of online sexual behavior, with its accompanying superficiality of false relationships grounded in fantasy, is no substitute for the mature, generative relationships born of authentic celibate loving.\r\n\r\nWe celebrate sexuality as a gracious gift of God. We understand sexual energy to be relational, creative energy. As such, healthy sexuality, a fundamental underpinning for celibacy that is authentic, free and loving, is expressed in relationships that are honest, mutual and respectful. \u201cSexuality finds its authentic meaning in relation to mature love.\u201d[footnote]Program of Priestly Formation. <\/em>90.[\/footnote] The use of pornography, acts of auto-eroticism and other online sexual behaviors are a misdirection of sexual energy and compromise the process of psychosexual development that leads to affective maturity.\r\n\r\n\u201cA man who respects, cares for, and has vigilance over his body\u201d is a disciplined man.[footnote]Ibid. 76,[\/footnote] Discipline requires mindfulness \u2013 consistent, faithful mindfulness! In this faithful stance of mindfulness, one grows in self-awareness, self-understanding and freedom. That which promotes and supports celibate loving is freely chosen. That which diminishes and thwarts the capacity for celibate loving is carefully avoided. Breaking free of habitual or compulsive online sexual behavior will demand a recommitment to living with vigilance and discipline.\r\n\r\nChallenges to the Goals of Human Formation<\/strong>\r\n\r\nThe seminarian involved in online sexual activities faces serious challenges in his formation for celibate priesthood. An honest assessment of the nature and complexity of online behavior \u2013 frequency, duration, intensity \u2013 is an essential, initial step on the journey toward overcoming online sexual behaviors that are incongruent with an authentic celibate commitment. An honest assessment of desire, motivation and will to engage the hard work of breaking free of online sexual behavior is a necessary undertaking.\r\n\r\nDenial is a hazardous defense that blocks growth in self-awareness and self-insight and foils successful behavior change. Denial is sustained in both subtle and not-so-subtle ways in an effort to avoid the stark reality of the dangers and the incongruity of online sexual activity. Patrick Carnes categorizes denial as \u201cglobal thinking, rationalization, minimizing, comparison, compartmentalizing, intellectualizing, blaming, and manipulation.\u201d[footnote]Patrick Carnes, David L. Delmonico, and Elizabeth Griffin. In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior. <\/em>Center City: Hazelden. 19-21.[\/footnote]\r\n\r\nBreaking down the walls of denial opens the door to recovery. Avoiding rationalization and compartmentalization will lay the foundation for honest self-appraisal. Avoiding harsh generalizations and negative judgments about self-worth, well-being, and relationship with God opens one to the grace of conversion and the reality of change.\r\n\r\nOvercoming Online Sexual Activity<\/strong>\r\n\r\n\u201cRequisite skills for living chastely\u201d are identified in the Program of Priestly Formation<\/em> as \u201cascetical practice, prudent self-mastery, and paths of self-knowledge, such as a regular personal inventory and the examination of conscience.\u201d[footnote]Program of Priestly Formation. <\/em>79.[\/footnote] Self-knowledge, self-denial and self-mastery provide a firm and essential framework for engaging the work of overcoming online sexual activity. Overcoming an undesirable or problematic behavior or habit requires an understanding of what motivates and reinforces the behavior.\r\n\r\nPaul Simpson identifies \u201cseven goals\u201d that motivate and sustain compulsive sexual behaviors: \u201cexcitement, comfort, escape, affirmation, power, revenge, and helplessness.\u201d[footnote]Paul Simpson. A Resource Handbook for Treating Compulsive Sexual Behaviors. <\/em>Amedco LLC. 2003. 1-2.[\/footnote] Identifying the ways in which these goals drive online sexual activity will enhance self-knowledge. Courage and honesty are required. Self-denial and self-mastery born of prudence, discipline and endurance lay the groundwork for facing the challenges.\r\n\r\nWhich of these goals are legitimate needs that can and ought to be met in mature and healthy ways that promote authentic celibate loving? Which of these goals serve only to mask unresolved hurt and pain in need of reconciliation and healing? Only with courage and honesty will these questions be confronted and resolved. Only then will informed, deliberate choices direct the way out of self-destructive online sexual activity toward personal, affective maturity and healthy, celibate relationships.\r\n\r\nSelf-knowledge, self-awareness and self-insight are, of course, necessary but not sufficient for modifying behavior. Strategies that facilitate successful recovery from online sexual activity and other compulsive sexual behaviors have been identified by a number of authors. Simpson highlights the significance of self-care. \u201cPhysical, spiritual, emotional and relational self-care\u201d are essential for \u201cbuilding and maintaining\u201d personal, inner strength.[footnote]Ibid. 3.[\/footnote] It is self-care grounded in balance.\r\n\r\nBehavioral changes directed specifically to Internet use include \u201creducing access, reducing anonymity, and reducing objectification.\u201d[footnote]Patrick Carnes, David L. Delmonico, and Elizabeth Griffin. In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior. <\/em>123-125.[\/footnote] In this way, healthy online habits are developed, and the Internet is used solely for healthy, constructive purposes. Simpson encourages the identification of \u201cviolations\u201d and recommends constructing a list of \u201cDon\u2019ts\u201d to which one commits: I will not view pornography on the Internet; I will not engage in fantasy; I will not withdraw into isolation when lonely.\r\n\r\nBuilding a realistic and useful list of \u201cDon\u2019ts\u201d will necessitate taking an honest, in-depth, personal inventory. In addition, Simpson highlights the importance of establishing \u201cboundaries\u201d: boundaries for dangerous places and people, boundaries for the Internet, boundaries for television viewing, boundaries for movies and DVDs, and boundaries for whatever toxins need to be avoided.[footnote]Paul Simpson. A Resource Handbook for Treating Compulsive Sexual Behaviors. <\/em>1-2.[\/footnote]\r\n\r\nDeveloping the skills essential for acquiring healthy online habits and adhering to the boundaries and parameters necessary for avoiding dangerous and toxic situations will serve as secure guideposts on the road to recovery from online sexual activity. This will not, however, be sufficient to nurture and sustain a meaningful and generative life of celibate loving that far surpasses the fleeting pleasure and instant gratification sought in the hollow void of online sexual behavior. The man discerning priesthood and actively involved in seminary formation is challenged to \u201cfashion his sexual desires and passions in such a way that he is able to live a healthy, celibate lifestyle that expresses self-gift in faithful and life-giving love.\u201d[footnote]Program of Priestly Formation<\/em>, 94.[\/footnote]\r\n\r\nThe U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops identifies \u201ccertain habits or skills that are necessary instruments on the path to effective and healthy celibate chastity.\u201d[footnote]Ibid. 93.[\/footnote]\r\n

Among these habits or skills is appropriate self-disclosure, a cultivated capacity for self-reflection, an ability to enter into peaceful solitude, ascetical practices that foster vigilance and self-mastery over one\u2019s impulses and drives, and a habit of modesty. An especially important practice is holding all persons in the mystery of God, whether they are encountered in the course of formal ministry or ordinary life.[footnote]Ibid. 92.[\/footnote]<\/p>\r\nThe acquisition and integration of these habits and skills shifts the focus from a view of the restrictive, self-absorbing limits of what needs to be avoided or harnessed to the freeing \u201cyes\u201d of celibacy that is yes to living life with passion and zeal for the reign of God. Energy formerly expended in the endurance of celibacy is transformed in the embrace of a commitment to faithful celibate loving.\r\n\r\nLiving with Freedom and Integrity<\/strong>\r\n\r\nIn the declaration made prior to ordination, decisive words of understanding and freedom are proclaimed. \u201cEspecially I swear that I understand the implication of the law of celibacy and that I freely embrace it and will keep it faithfully with God\u2019s help until the end of my life.\u201d This understanding and freedom are firmly grounded in the knowledge and integration of one\u2019s sexuality and sexual desires and the \u201cacceptance and valuing of one\u2019s sexuality as a good to be directed to God\u2019s service.\u201d[footnote]Ibid. 93.[\/footnote]\r\n\r\nWe read in John\u2019s Gospel of Jesus\u2019 call of Nathaniel, whom Jesus regards as a \u201cman in whom there is no duplicity\u201d (John 1:43). Mastering the lure of empty sexual enticements and breaking free from the grip of online sexual activity conquers the duplicity contained therein. An honest and disciplined response to the challenges posed by online sexual activity opens the way to an honest and free choice in embracing the commitment to faithful, celibate loving.\r\n\r\n<\/div>","rendered":"

\n

 <\/p>\n

Introduction<\/strong><\/p>\n

At the crossroads where our Church and our technological society converge, discerning adults stand poised at an intersection of challenge and choice. It is a time in our American society of seemingly unlimited access to information, a time when the expectation of instant gratification is prevalent, and the desire for heightened stimulation is strong. It is a time in our Church when the expectation of authenticity, integrity, transparency and fidelity cannot be overstated.<\/p>\n

Reconciling the lures of a permissive culture with the call to be open to God\u2019s work of transformation demands a disciplined response to the challenges that free the mature person to make respectful and prudent choices. For discerning adults, it is a time of challenge and choice.<\/p>\n

Society\u2019s Influence<\/strong><\/p>\n

Men discerning priesthood and actively involved in seminary formation today are not immune to the messages and the enticements of the society and culture from which they have emerged into adulthood. They are immersed in a world where boundless information is available via the World Wide Web, a reality that facilitates with ease endless attempts toward satisfaction of curiosity, desire and perceived need.<\/p>\n

Al Cooper and Eric Griffin-Shelley describe an entangled connection between the Internet and sexuality, suggesting that each \u201cfuels and ultimately contributes to the transformation of the other.\u201d[1]<\/sup><\/a> Michael Leahy warns that the latest tools of technology are creating a \u201cnew sexual revolution with limitless accessibility.\u201d He describes a \u201cworld that is increasingly pornographic\u201d with the increased availability of wireless Internet access via cell phones, iPods, etc.[2]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

With the rapid acceleration of technological means for producing and engaging in sexual activity, the gathering and reporting of precise and current data is highly challenging. Nevertheless, statistics provide an alarming glimpse into the harsh reality of online sexual activity. As reported by Cooper and Griffin-Shelley, an estimated 20% of Internet users in 2002 were engaging in online sexual activity.[3]<\/sup><\/a> Just three years later in 2005, ComScore Media Metrix reported that 40% of Internet users had visited adult sites.<\/p>\n

\u201cAccording to ComScore Media Metrix, there were 63.4 million unique visitors to adult websites in December of 2005, viewing over 15 billion pages of adult content.\u201d[4]<\/sup><\/a> Every second, an estimated $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography; every second, an estimated 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography.[5]<\/sup><\/a> Mark Kastleman cites reports at www.max.com and www.afafilter.com\/vitalfacts.asp of more than 4.2 million separate and distinct pornography websites identified on the Internet with 2,500 new sites appearing online each week.[6]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

Clinicians and researchers testifying before a U.S. Senate committee in 2004 described pornography as the new crack cocaine (Wired.com). Kastleman highlights the work of Dr. Judith Reisman, Douglas Reed, and other noted neuroscientists and neuropsychologists whose research findings lead them to describe pornography and its effects as \u201ca drug, a chemical dependency, a form of substance abuse\u2026an endogenously processed poly drug providing intense, although misleading, sensory rewards.\u201d[7]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

Douglas Reed likens the \u201carousal dependence\u201d experienced through persistent use of pornography to the \u201cbiochemical alterations associated with excessive amphetamine use.\u201d The \u201csatiation effects\u201d acquired through hours of viewing Internet pornography are compared to the \u201csatiation effects of opiate use.\u201d[8]<\/sup><\/a> The risks are glaringly apparent: online sexual activity leads to online sexual problems that can lead to online sexual compulsivity and addiction.<\/p>\n

The far-reaching implications of the Internet with regard to sexuality and psychosexual development will continue to impact our society and our Church. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops exhorts priesthood candidates to \u201cappropriate a cultural-critical attitude that discerns the positive and negative potentials of mass communication, various forms of entertainment, and technology, such as the Internet.\u201d[9]<\/sup><\/a> Intentional, disciplined and honest efforts in overcoming patterns of behavior, behaviors that in some instances have become addictive, will demand honest appraisal, unwavering challenge and support, and ongoing dialogue.<\/p>\n

Access, Affordability, Anonymity<\/strong><\/p>\n

What is it that fuels the acceleration and intensity of online sexual activity? According to Cooper, it is a threefold phenomenon he describes as the \u201cTriple-A-Engine,\u201d the central components of which are \u201caccess,<\/em> affordability, and anonymity.\u201d[10]<\/sup><\/a> Ease of access is undeniable. Equally undeniable, yet perhaps not readily recognized or acknowledged, is all that is neglected, un-accessed in one\u2019s life, as a consequence of ease of access to online activities and interactions. Solitude, creative leisure, friendship, ministry, prayer are all too often sacrificed for the ease of online pleasure.<\/p>\n

The affordability of online sexual activity is significantly more costly than can be assessed in dollars and cents. The determination, effort, motivation and will required to free oneself from the grip of affordable online sexual activity are costly. The toll on self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem is a price far too great to wager. Unfortunately, the expense of what, at first glance, appears affordable is significantly underestimated. Equally unfortunate is the enticement of anonymity that provides a false sense of security and confidence in acts of self-disclosure and sexual expression. The intimacy of genuine encounter is compromised for perceived online anonymity.<\/p>\n

Human Formation<\/strong><\/p>\n

In stark contrast to the immediate gratification and anonymity of online sexual activity, the work of human formation is a slow, steady, deliberate and disciplined process realized in an intimately personal encounter with God, one\u2019s self and others. \u201cThe human formation of candidates for the priesthood\u2026fosters the growth of a man who can be described as a free person, a man of communion, a person of affective maturity, and a man who respects, cares for, and has vigilance over his body.\u201d[11]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cA free person is a person who is free to be who he is in God\u2019s design.\u201d[12]<\/sup><\/a> In this freedom, there exists the desire and the willingness to be known. In this freedom, there exists the vulnerability necessary for intimacy in relationship. Freedom, however, is not an identifying characteristic of the person who is trapped in the grip of the addictive power of online sexual activity. Neither is it a place experienced as reflective of God\u2019s design. Rather, it becomes a world of shame, fear, guilt and loneliness.<\/p>\n

\u201cA man of communion is a person who has real and deep relational capacities\u2026capable of making a gift of himself and of receiving the gift of others.\u201d This capacity \u201crequires the full possession of oneself.\u201d[13]<\/sup><\/a> Sadly, for the person caught up in the world of online sexual activity, the freedom of self-possession is sacrificed. The world of online sexual activity does not authentically fit into the life of one pursuing a celibate commitment.<\/p>\n

Hence, that reality is sooner or later compartmentalized, relegated to a subconscious compartment, as if somehow neatly tucked away. But not without a terrible cost! The more compartmentalized one is, the more disintegrated. The cost becomes the compromise of integrity. The \u201cinner joy and inner peace\u201d that mark the man of communion are likewise compromised.[14]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

A person of affective maturity strives for balance in the integration of feelings, reason and values, living a life \u201cfreely enriched by feelings, not driven by them.\u201d[15]<\/sup><\/a> Affective maturity is expressed in warmth and caring, empathy and compassion. Affective maturity opens one to \u201ca passionate life of pastoral love and relating\u201d that channels sexual energy in generative ways.[16]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

Development toward affective maturity becomes stunted at the place where balance and integration break down, where self-absorption takes hold. The anonymity of online sexual behavior, with its accompanying superficiality of false relationships grounded in fantasy, is no substitute for the mature, generative relationships born of authentic celibate loving.<\/p>\n

We celebrate sexuality as a gracious gift of God. We understand sexual energy to be relational, creative energy. As such, healthy sexuality, a fundamental underpinning for celibacy that is authentic, free and loving, is expressed in relationships that are honest, mutual and respectful. \u201cSexuality finds its authentic meaning in relation to mature love.\u201d[17]<\/sup><\/a> The use of pornography, acts of auto-eroticism and other online sexual behaviors are a misdirection of sexual energy and compromise the process of psychosexual development that leads to affective maturity.<\/p>\n

\u201cA man who respects, cares for, and has vigilance over his body\u201d is a disciplined man.[18]<\/sup><\/a> Discipline requires mindfulness \u2013 consistent, faithful mindfulness! In this faithful stance of mindfulness, one grows in self-awareness, self-understanding and freedom. That which promotes and supports celibate loving is freely chosen. That which diminishes and thwarts the capacity for celibate loving is carefully avoided. Breaking free of habitual or compulsive online sexual behavior will demand a recommitment to living with vigilance and discipline.<\/p>\n

Challenges to the Goals of Human Formation<\/strong><\/p>\n

The seminarian involved in online sexual activities faces serious challenges in his formation for celibate priesthood. An honest assessment of the nature and complexity of online behavior \u2013 frequency, duration, intensity \u2013 is an essential, initial step on the journey toward overcoming online sexual behaviors that are incongruent with an authentic celibate commitment. An honest assessment of desire, motivation and will to engage the hard work of breaking free of online sexual behavior is a necessary undertaking.<\/p>\n

Denial is a hazardous defense that blocks growth in self-awareness and self-insight and foils successful behavior change. Denial is sustained in both subtle and not-so-subtle ways in an effort to avoid the stark reality of the dangers and the incongruity of online sexual activity. Patrick Carnes categorizes denial as \u201cglobal thinking, rationalization, minimizing, comparison, compartmentalizing, intellectualizing, blaming, and manipulation.\u201d[19]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

Breaking down the walls of denial opens the door to recovery. Avoiding rationalization and compartmentalization will lay the foundation for honest self-appraisal. Avoiding harsh generalizations and negative judgments about self-worth, well-being, and relationship with God opens one to the grace of conversion and the reality of change.<\/p>\n

Overcoming Online Sexual Activity<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cRequisite skills for living chastely\u201d are identified in the Program of Priestly Formation<\/em> as \u201cascetical practice, prudent self-mastery, and paths of self-knowledge, such as a regular personal inventory and the examination of conscience.\u201d[20]<\/sup><\/a> Self-knowledge, self-denial and self-mastery provide a firm and essential framework for engaging the work of overcoming online sexual activity. Overcoming an undesirable or problematic behavior or habit requires an understanding of what motivates and reinforces the behavior.<\/p>\n

Paul Simpson identifies \u201cseven goals\u201d that motivate and sustain compulsive sexual behaviors: \u201cexcitement, comfort, escape, affirmation, power, revenge, and helplessness.\u201d[21]<\/sup><\/a> Identifying the ways in which these goals drive online sexual activity will enhance self-knowledge. Courage and honesty are required. Self-denial and self-mastery born of prudence, discipline and endurance lay the groundwork for facing the challenges.<\/p>\n

Which of these goals are legitimate needs that can and ought to be met in mature and healthy ways that promote authentic celibate loving? Which of these goals serve only to mask unresolved hurt and pain in need of reconciliation and healing? Only with courage and honesty will these questions be confronted and resolved. Only then will informed, deliberate choices direct the way out of self-destructive online sexual activity toward personal, affective maturity and healthy, celibate relationships.<\/p>\n

Self-knowledge, self-awareness and self-insight are, of course, necessary but not sufficient for modifying behavior. Strategies that facilitate successful recovery from online sexual activity and other compulsive sexual behaviors have been identified by a number of authors. Simpson highlights the significance of self-care. \u201cPhysical, spiritual, emotional and relational self-care\u201d are essential for \u201cbuilding and maintaining\u201d personal, inner strength.[22]<\/sup><\/a> It is self-care grounded in balance.<\/p>\n

Behavioral changes directed specifically to Internet use include \u201creducing access, reducing anonymity, and reducing objectification.\u201d[23]<\/sup><\/a> In this way, healthy online habits are developed, and the Internet is used solely for healthy, constructive purposes. Simpson encourages the identification of \u201cviolations\u201d and recommends constructing a list of \u201cDon\u2019ts\u201d to which one commits: I will not view pornography on the Internet; I will not engage in fantasy; I will not withdraw into isolation when lonely.<\/p>\n

Building a realistic and useful list of \u201cDon\u2019ts\u201d will necessitate taking an honest, in-depth, personal inventory. In addition, Simpson highlights the importance of establishing \u201cboundaries\u201d: boundaries for dangerous places and people, boundaries for the Internet, boundaries for television viewing, boundaries for movies and DVDs, and boundaries for whatever toxins need to be avoided.[24]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

Developing the skills essential for acquiring healthy online habits and adhering to the boundaries and parameters necessary for avoiding dangerous and toxic situations will serve as secure guideposts on the road to recovery from online sexual activity. This will not, however, be sufficient to nurture and sustain a meaningful and generative life of celibate loving that far surpasses the fleeting pleasure and instant gratification sought in the hollow void of online sexual behavior. The man discerning priesthood and actively involved in seminary formation is challenged to \u201cfashion his sexual desires and passions in such a way that he is able to live a healthy, celibate lifestyle that expresses self-gift in faithful and life-giving love.\u201d[25]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops identifies \u201ccertain habits or skills that are necessary instruments on the path to effective and healthy celibate chastity.\u201d[26]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

Among these habits or skills is appropriate self-disclosure, a cultivated capacity for self-reflection, an ability to enter into peaceful solitude, ascetical practices that foster vigilance and self-mastery over one\u2019s impulses and drives, and a habit of modesty. An especially important practice is holding all persons in the mystery of God, whether they are encountered in the course of formal ministry or ordinary life.[27]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

The acquisition and integration of these habits and skills shifts the focus from a view of the restrictive, self-absorbing limits of what needs to be avoided or harnessed to the freeing \u201cyes\u201d of celibacy that is yes to living life with passion and zeal for the reign of God. Energy formerly expended in the endurance of celibacy is transformed in the embrace of a commitment to faithful celibate loving.<\/p>\n

Living with Freedom and Integrity<\/strong><\/p>\n

In the declaration made prior to ordination, decisive words of understanding and freedom are proclaimed. \u201cEspecially I swear that I understand the implication of the law of celibacy and that I freely embrace it and will keep it faithfully with God\u2019s help until the end of my life.\u201d This understanding and freedom are firmly grounded in the knowledge and integration of one\u2019s sexuality and sexual desires and the \u201cacceptance and valuing of one\u2019s sexuality as a good to be directed to God\u2019s service.\u201d[28]<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n

We read in John\u2019s Gospel of Jesus\u2019 call of Nathaniel, whom Jesus regards as a \u201cman in whom there is no duplicity\u201d (John 1:43). Mastering the lure of empty sexual enticements and breaking free from the grip of online sexual activity conquers the duplicity contained therein. An honest and disciplined response to the challenges posed by online sexual activity opens the way to an honest and free choice in embracing the commitment to faithful, celibate loving.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

  1. Al Cooper and Eric Griffin-Shelley, The Internet: The Next Sexual Revolution, <\/em>introduction to Sex and the Internet: A Guidebook for Clinicians. <\/em>New York: Routeledge. 2002. 4. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  2. Michael Lehey. Porn Nation: Conquering America\u2019s Addiction. <\/em>Chicago: Northfield Press. 2008.106. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  3. Cooper and Griffin-Shelley. The Internet. <\/em>4. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  4. Mark Kastleman. The Drug of the New Millennium: The Brain Science Behind Internet Pornography Use. <\/em>Power Thinking Publishing. 2007. 3. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  5. The Child Protection Guide, 2009 http:\/\/www.childprotectionguide.org\/archives\/vol2_iss9.php. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  6. Kastleman, The Drug of the New Millennium. <\/em>4. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  7. Ibid. 61-62. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  8. Ibid. 62. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  9. Program of Priestly Formation. <\/em>5th Edition. Washington D. C.: United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. 2006. 79. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  10. Cooper. Sex and the Internet. <\/em>5-6. (first reference?) ↵<\/a><\/li>
  11. Program of Priestly Formation. <\/em>76. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  12. Ibid. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  13. Ibid. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  14. Ibid. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  15. Ibid. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  16. Stephen J. Rosetti. The Joy of Priesthood. <\/em>Notre Dame: Ave Maria Press. 2005. 90. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  17. Program of Priestly Formation. <\/em>90. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  18. Ibid. 76, ↵<\/a><\/li>
  19. Patrick Carnes, David L. Delmonico, and Elizabeth Griffin. In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior. <\/em>Center City: Hazelden. 19-21. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  20. Program of Priestly Formation. <\/em>79. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  21. Paul Simpson. A Resource Handbook for Treating Compulsive Sexual Behaviors. <\/em>Amedco LLC. 2003. 1-2. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  22. Ibid. 3. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  23. Patrick Carnes, David L. Delmonico, and Elizabeth Griffin. In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior. <\/em>123-125. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  24. Paul Simpson. A Resource Handbook for Treating Compulsive Sexual Behaviors. <\/em>1-2. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  25. Program of Priestly Formation<\/em>, 94. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  26. Ibid. 93. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  27. Ibid. 92. ↵<\/a><\/li>
  28. Ibid. 93. ↵<\/a><\/li><\/ol><\/div>","protected":false},"author":3,"menu_order":2,"template":"","meta":{"pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":["sister-diane-pharo-scn"],"pb_section_license":""},"chapter-type":[],"contributor":[64],"license":[],"part":3,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/81"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/chapter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/81\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":121,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/81\/revisions\/121"}],"part":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/parts\/3"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/81\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=81"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"chapter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapter-type?post=81"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=81"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.palni.org\/celibacy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=81"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}